Notice anything? Yeah, I went through a tunnel underneath the Welland Canal (that piece of water you see on the map.
You'd think that a tunnel under a canal would be super cool and badass, and you'd be right if it was anywhere other than Thorold. This tunnel sucks. First off, it's impossible to find the non-car route through it, though maybe that's a good thing. You have to zig-zag through small suburb streets to get to a highway, then go to a dead-end street and take a narrow gravel path that leads you to this:
I mean what the fuck is that? It looks like some dead end, but is actually a very poor attempt at speed control, to make sure cyclists don't go in wheels blazing to their own misery. No, the tunnel wants you to slow down to suffer it as long as possible. Anyway, here's the entrance to this cave of horrors:
You see that car exiting the tunnel? It's going at around 100km/h. You see that lame concrete barrier, that's the only separation between the path and oncoming traffic. There is no walkway on the other side of the tunnel, so you are forced to use this one. This is the only way to cross the canal unless you want to make a 6km detour through the sad, sad town of Thorold. Yeah, it's a pile of shit, and you must go through it.
Let me be your guide.
How bad can a tunnel be? Pretty fucking bad. As you enter the tunnel, it's dark, and there is a strong wind coming towards you, so there is no way to tell how fast you are going. It smells horrific in there, and you can almost taste the carbon-monoxide poisoning. You feel the ground sloping downwards, so you should be gaining speed, but the wind is unchangingly strong, and the cars zoom past at frightening speeds. A car passes close to the barrier, its engine sounds magnified by the echoes in the tunnel. It's as if you are hearing all of the cars in the tunnel at once pressed against your ear. You feel the wind grow stronger, as panic sets in. Why is this barrier so low? Damn these cars are moving fast. Where are the lights? am I going too fast? Do I have control of my bike? If I press the brakes, will I fly over the barrier? If I don't press the brakes, will I die? What is this mist? Is the canal leaking into the tunnel? Oh god I'm deep underground in a living hell.Then, as you are about to scream your head off, and you feel like you are about to regain control, you see a light. It's the end of the tunnel! It's also about 200m of steep uphill climb to get out. Your panic attack from the first half of the tunnel has not yet subsided, and you pour all of your energy to getting OUT.
You finally get out, panting as hard as you can from the climb, and with tears in your eyes, your trembling lips can't help but send prayers to some higher power. You've made it through the Thorold tunnel, but at what cost? You feel like a bit of your sanity stayed in the tunnel. You feel like you have died, and been reborn through a trial of ash, anguish, and darkness, only to come out the other side not completely whole. You think of Gandalf fighting the Balrog in the depths of Khazad-Dum, only unlike Gandalf, you come out weaker, fatigued, and plagued by the nightmares you have just witnessed.You stop and drink some water, as you look back at an enemy you never knew you had. How could something be so hateful? You look back at the tunnel that took more than it gave, and you pray that you never have to see it again.
Unfortunately for you, you know that one day, when you make this trip again, the tunnel will be waiting for you, its mouth wide open, ready to accept another bit of your soul as toll for passage...
